your parents love me but you hate me
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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