Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
