i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
