I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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