i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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