my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
