if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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