Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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