thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
