so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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