i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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