Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
