I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
