My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
