I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
