Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
