i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
