I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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