I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
