Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
