Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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