I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
