One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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