just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Acid is not a monday night drug
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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