She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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