shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
