I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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