Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
