Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
third nipple confirmed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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