I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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