Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
