This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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