Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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