I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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