The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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