2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
