I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
