Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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