I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
