I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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