remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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