i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
