I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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