how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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