She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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