I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
