He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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