I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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