This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
