I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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