What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
