shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is Oprah even human
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
