She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize