New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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