I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
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I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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