Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
