hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
