The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my being single is dangerous.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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