I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
