So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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