and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
