it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize