Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
