i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
