I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
