I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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