If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
