Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
