This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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