We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
