I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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