FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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