You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
