too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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