i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i out mim tonsoeep
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