Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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